Family Dinners Don’t Have to Be “Perfect” to Be Good
We hear endlessly how important family time is—and how important a family dinner is. Somewhere in our minds, we have the vision playing: Dad walks in at 5:15, right on time. The kids are done with homework. Mom is finishing cooking dinner. The children sit at the table and say prayers along with Mom and Dad, and everyone shares a lovely and peaceful evening together. Why would we not have dinner together every night? But that is not the reality for many of us.
Too often, we are navigating unpredictable and changing work schedules, maybe at more than one job. Kids have activities that can fill every afternoon and evening, if we let them. Screens are everywhere, stealing our attention.
Maybe what we need most is a shift in perspective. The important part is our family, together, focusing on each other. It is okay not to be able to do everything the way you wish you could. The important thing is finding balance and ways to live your priorities while playing the hand you have been dealt. There are simple things we can do, no matter the chaos of life, to turn ourselves towards each other.
Key Components of a Family Meal
The TV is off. Phones are down, ideally charging elsewhere. If music is on, it probably does not have any lyrics—and the volume is relatively low.
You are gathering in a designated ‘dinner spot’. Maybe that’s the kitchen table. Maybe it’s the back deck because it’s beautiful out. Maybe you are in a transitional moment, and that means you are eating on a blanket on the floor. What matters is that this is your space.
If you have another two minutes, the table has been fully cleared and wiped down. If you can, switch lighting so that bright overhead lights are off, and a smaller light is on. Maybe you have battery-operated candles on the table—or if you have bigger kids, real ones. Those extra things are not absolutely needed, but the slight changes in atmosphere can facilitate a change in focus.
While it might feel odd and antiquated, consider instituting the “ask-to-be-excused-from-the-table” standard that previous generations held. This is not about control, but about everyone being together, and not wandering off to check the football scores or open a new pack of Pokemon cards while dinner is still going on. It also means that if there is time, you could break out a board game, deck of cards, or a puzzle afterward.
Make a Plan
Being intentional, clear, and consistent about mealtime makes it much more likely to be successful. Make a plan and communicate with your family so that everyone is on the same page.
Look at the weekly calendar. Is there one day when dinner is possible? Given the activities you have committed to, are there one or two days each week that will make most sense? Block them off.
It is now special. You can switch those days if you have to, but have your default day(s) and mark them clearly on the calendar. Put a heart on that day on your wall calendar. If you can’t find a consistent day every week, then search through the calendar at least a month ahead, and find any open spaces available to prioritize. Start where you are. (It may also be time to re-evaluate the commitments and activities that take family members away from the table. Should some be set aside? Only you know.)
If at all possible, set a standard time for dinner. Not at all family members may be home, but for anyone who is at home, set a consistent time. You may have time to cook a carefully planned menu, but that shared meal can also be leftovers or cereal or sandwiches. Sharing the meal and the time together is what makes the difference..
For most families, the evening meal is the easiest way to eat together regularly. But if you have children who are up very early or if your evenings are very scattered, maybe you are a breakfast family. In a lot of ways, you will have an incredible advantage starting your day feeling connected. If Mom works remotely during the day while Dad takes care of the kids before heading out to his evening job, maybe lunch is your family meal. There is no single best plan for all families.
When a Parent can’t be Present
Dinner is at 6:30 every night, but Dad is on a business trip, or the baby is asleep by 5:30, or Mom is commuting home and won’t arrive until 7. Family dinner happens, at home and together, but someone is missing. Family dinner is about praying and eating, but also about bonding and togetherness. An empty chair at the table is always a little disappointing, but there are some options that can facilitate that connection anyway. Have a missing parent record a video leading prayer, sharing a joke, or giving kids a riddle to solve. If you can coordinate it, call the missing parent and leave the phone on speaker in the middle of the table. Or just a short video call at the beginning or end of the meal can make a big difference. Even when missing family members cannot fully participate, you can still experience some of the connection you are missing.
No matter what your circumstances, any time spent focused on your family is a beautiful thing, and while we might not be able to create the picture-perfect version of family we wish we could, we can be intentional and focused on our family and provide loving support, meaningful moments, and deepening faith.
May God bless you and your household!
A Prayer for Family Meals
Dear God, thank you for this time together.
Thank you for the way You love us and the love we share with one another.
For the next little while, help us to focus on one another and on You,
and let go of the things we have to do next,
all the worries of our lives
Help us to treasure one another and our time together.
We thank you for this food we share
and the love we have for one another,
and we praise You for Your goodness and gifts to us,
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.
